GRUSS VOM KRAMPUS!

Sorry for the delay on this one. We had a power outtage in my neighborhood and I lost several hours of drawing time. Probably Uranus getting ready to go Direct on the 10th.  We also have an Eclipse / Full Moon on the 10th, so expect a bit of Chaos. All this during a Mercury retrograde (Nov. 24th - Dec. 14th). I guess Krampus is in full effect this year!

Regardless, Happy Krampusnacht! I hope you've all been good this year!  I hope that your 2012 is much better!

{Created in the Adobe Creative Suite}

Krampus is on his way!

I'm not sure why I feel the need to jump on the Krampus bandwagon this year.  I found out about him two years ago and haven't really had the opportunity to work on any pieces involving him until now.  This year has been such a roller coaster through crap I figure it might be nice to believe a little in some cosmic force of justice.

Of course the assumption there is that Krampus won't be coming for me.  If he were coming for me, that might not be all bad though.  Cover your ears kids!  A hairy horny devil with a ridiculously long tongue kidnaps me and drags me away to do with me as he pleases.  All because I've been bad.  Hmmm...I say let the punishment fit the crime, eh!

I guess in the end, I just like the idea of Krampus.  He's a little taste of punishment to help us appreciate the good in life.  I wonder perhaps if he is some seed idea left over from Saturnalia?  Perhaps he is the last Lord of Misrule from the lost tradition of the Feast of Fools.  Perhaps not completely lost, Halloween / Samhain has taken on many of the qualities of Saturnalia and the Feast of Fools. Considering how much our calendars have changed since those times, Halloween may be closer to the correct timeframe.

I am intrigued that these kinds of festivals seems to emerge from the human psyche regardless of repression or taboo or dogma or fiat.  Close one door and the urge will find its way out through a window.  This is the cord that Krampus strikes with me. Aha! there's the reason: The repressed urge given its day in the sun.

I think we need more of that...at least here in the United States we certainly do.  Too many natural urges are repressed and criminalized.  We need to find healthy outlets instead of shoving it all in a box...or a prison.  I feel Krampus is part of that.  A little comedic S & M for the whole family!  Be good kids for goodness sake!  Only one more day until Krampusnacht!

{Image created in Adobe Illustrator}

Only two more days...

Another fun filled Krampus portrait to celebrate the imminent arrival of that precious Christmas Devil!  Be good for goodness sake kids, Krampus is coming!

{Images created in Adobe Illustrator and Adobe Photoshop}

UPDATE 091014:  This piece is now available on a tshirt design or other cool paraphernalia at my Neatoshop!  Drop by and check it out!

Krampus is Coming!

Here is a Krampus Card to celebrate the season!  If you would like to steal and print this, feel free.  All you naughty children better be good for goodness sake!  Krampus is Coming!  Only three more days!

{Image created using the Adobe Creative Suite}

Not Exactly Krampus...

Not exactly Krampus, but I think devilish enough to fit the season.  Be good for goodness sake, Krampus is coming!

{Digital images manipulated in Photoshop}

UPDATE 010413:

I discovered recently that this piece had some visual issues that I hadn't noticed before.  I've gone through several computer upgrades since this was originally created so I'm chalking it up to the better system I'm using.  Regardless, I noticed the hard black edge within the piece that I had not seen before.  Here is an updated version of how I intended the piece to look.  It's a subtle trade, but I had not intended that hard line in the original.

From the Sketchbook Archives: In the Darkness

This is me pushing Sharpies again.  Sadly in the middle of this piece my Teal Sharpie ran out. I had to mix it with yellow and light green.

This one had to be tweaked a bit to get it to show correctly.  I don’t have access to a scanner right now, but I do have a digital camera.  I discovered that the flash reflects quite nicely off of heavy sharpie works.  UGH.  This piece and several others had to be worked over in Photoshop to get them even close to the originals.  When I have access to a scanner again, I will properly re-scan these.

{Sharpie}

UPDATE:  Fresh scan from my new scanner as of 01.28.12.  No glare in the fresh one and no needful Photoshop retouch.  The actual color of the physical piece is somewhere between these two.

From the Sketchbook Archives: Dancing Hand

I’ve always been disturbed by hands with more than five fingers or hands in a configuration other than human. I think at the base it may be the same kind of reaction I have to bugs that I consider to have “too many legs”. It makes my skin crawl for some reason.

I used to be afraid of Spiders, but we made a truce. I don’t kill them and they stay off me. I let them have the unused corners of rooms so they can eat annoying things like flies and gnats and buzzy little annoying bugs. We get along. However Millipedes, Silverfish, and Centipedes...not so much. Yuck.

Sorry for the crappy reproduction here. This is another from the sketchbooks.  Graphite also reflects the flash of a camera quite dramatically.

{Graphite}

UPDATE:  Fresh scan from my new scanner as of 01.29.12.  No blur here and I am amazed at the amount of line detail that the scanner picked up.  Yay Scanner!

5x5 Fiction

In the chaos of my move, I failed to mention that my submission to 5x5 fiction was accepted and included in the current issue.  My apologies to the guys at 5x5 Fiction.  I meant no disrespect.  I've been in the throes of a prolonged clumsy move and lost my grip on many things in the process.
Everyone please go check and out the coolness that is 5x5 Fiction.  It rocks.  Also, be sure to check out issues One and Two.  They are the two excellent reasons I submitted to begin with.  :-)

Suicide Set Part V: If Flesh Could Crawl

I’m including this piece in the suicide set even though technically it was not in the same format as the other pieces or even part of the set.  It was done just before the others...maybe two or three weeks.  I feel the need to include it because this type of thing doesn’t occur in a vacuum.  It was directly inspired by the song As Far From God from the first Garbage album.

I would like to note on the side of safety and communication that today, despite the difficulty of my current set of life circumstances, that I do not in any way feel suicidal.  It is simply that the time has come to share these pieces.

{Sharpie}

UPDATE 010413:

This piece was Exhumed and reinvestigated with color in November 2013.  Check out the Exhumed image here.

Suicide Set Part IV: Hopelessness

After the violent parade of negative emotions had passed, after they had drained me of any motivation, thought, or energy, only hopelessness was left.  I was empty and lost.  There was no way out and no way onward.  There was no way.  It was in this darkness I attempted to take my own life.

I realize many things about my actions at that time now.  Things that I can only understand in hindsight.  At the time I was under the sway of powerful negative emotional patterns and I consider myself very lucky to have come through the experience alive.  My own feelings brought me to the edge of death.

The person I am today is nothing like the person who attempted to take his life. I can see now that I needed to come to this edge and look out at the ultimate destruction I was heading toward.  I needed to hold my life in my hands and understand that the choice of its continuance or destruction was mine and mine alone.  I needed this moment to know that I had some form of control, that my life was indeed my own.  This instant, this moment of choice, has informed all the decisions I have made in my life since that day.

I would like to note on the side of safety and communication that today, despite the difficulty of my current set of life circumstances, that I do not in any way feel suicidal.  It is simply that the time has come to share these pieces.

{Sharpie}

Suicide Set Part III: Blame

Sister of guilt and father of shame, blame is the negative spotlight eye of God.  There is nowhere to hide.  Blame makes it impossible to move for fear of suffering and sorrow. Blame is the fire of torture now turned to self immolation.  The hand that burns me now is my own.  Blame is the self fulfilling prophecy of "it is all my fault." All of it. If it wasn't my fault before, after blame is finished, it will be.

I would like to note on the side of safety and communication that today, despite the difficulty of my current set of life circumstances, that I do not in any way feel suicidal.  It is simply that the time has come to share these pieces.

{Sharpie}

Occupy Now.

The old world is dying and the new world is being born.  Do not listen to the evening news - they are bought and paid for.  This is only the beginning - Occupy and be counted.  If you think the last two links aren't related, just follow the idea of SOPA and PROTECT IP to their logical conclusions and you will see.  Our government has been bought and paid for.

~Occupy Wall Street

~Occupy Together

~We Are the 99 Percent

~The Other 99 (Ustream - live)

~STOP SOPA

~Fight for the Future

Suicide Set Part II: Worry

I realized as I began this post that this week is the thirteenth anniversary of my suicide attempt.  A strange and macabre anniversary to be sure, but perhaps one of the most significant moments in my life history.  The person I am today is vastly different from the person who tried to take his life.  I still consider things deeply and intensely, but I do not worry as I once did.

Worry is about the weight of my thoughts at that time. Everything felt too heavy to move.  I felt buried or lost in a labyrinth of caves. Every feeling was a complicated net of issues that seemed impossible to unravel. I couldn't find a way out. Every new facet I discovered seemed only to lead me into greater complication and darkness. All my hope was overwhelmed by the burden of my feelings.

I would like to note on the side of safety and communication that today, despite the difficulty of my current set of life circumstances, that I do not in any way feel suicidal.  It is simply that the time has come to share these pieces.

{Sharpie}

Suicide Set Part I: Panic

In Mid-November of 1998 I attempted suicide by swallowing a bottle of muscle relaxers.  My life at the time felt completely out of my control and I felt myself sliding into darkness, but I felt powerless to stop it. I created the drawings in the suicide set just before my attempt.  I don’t remember drawing these pieces.  Looking at them now I realize that they are based on the four elements, but at the time I don’t recall intentionally directing them that way.  I was drawing more out of emotional desperation than any kind of intent.

Panic addresses my inability to communicate.  No matter how hard I tried, it seemed that my ability to verbalize my needs was stifled and choked.  The air was running out and I think I knew on some deep level that I was running out of time.  That the opportunity to fight back was quickly evaporating.  I was sliding into the final darkness and felt I had no way to stop the descent.  I felt completely powerless.

I really only understand any of this after analyzing in the years following.  During the event I felt removed from myself.  The month preceding my attempt, I felt like I was on auto pilot.  A ghost robot of myself set for self destruct.

I would like to note on the side of safety and communication that today, despite the difficulty of my current set of life circumstances, that I do not in any way feel suicidal.  It is simply that the time has come to share these pieces.

{Sharpie}

Some catching up to do...

Sorry for disappearing for a few weeks there.  I was finishing up my move and cleaning my old abode...aaaannnnd to top things off, because I didn't have nearly enough to do, I caught the flu this week.  OH JOY!   However, today my move is complete, my old abode is clean and fresh, and my flu is on the mend (although my ribs are very sore from coughing - ouchie).  Here's a little devil I concocted in penance.  Hope you like.

{Digital images manipulated in Photoshop}

From the Sketchbook Archives: Winged Cat Demon

Another from the sketchbooks.  Quick sketch of a cat demon thingie.  I figured they would still chase twitchy little rodents even if they had bat wings.  As you can see, I never decided on the tail.  Also, I think this might be a dark aspect of my personality when I get too dehydrated.

{Sharpie}


UPDATE:

Another update from the Rescans.  On this one, the scan was so much better than the photo I took, I didn't have to touch up the image at all.  On the first image, I had to adjust the brightness, contrast, and sharpness. Here you can see the molten deliciousness of the Sharpie where I filled in the blacks.  It looks almost exactly like the original image.  ...mmmmm Sharpie.  :-)

From the Sketchbook Archives: Night Thing

Silently, across the sea of night,
a sound like wind in the leaves.
I hold my breath and stand stock still
until it passes.
The chill of its presence
makes my breath a faint cloud.
I rush to the safety and warmth of interior light
and check all the bolts on my locks.
Outside, the tree limbs creak
at the touch of the wind.
"Perhaps," I think,
and light a candle for protection.

The Throne of the Mind

It gazes within and it gazes without,
It opens and swallows itself.
At the bottom of the ocean, at the bottom of the sea,

The nested flesh gestates.

Intelligence serves it,

Ignorance serves it,
War serves it,
Peace serves it,
Our every action
is the thumping tread of its gargantuan footsteps.
We are it mouths.
We are its eyes.
We are its thoughts.

Drum beats, heart beats,
blood pumps the light beneath skin and hair and sweat.
The dream of a thousand million years.
Knowledge is giving birth to itself.

Recommended Listening:

Phutureprimitive
Cryogenic Dreams
Kinetik


{Digital images manipulated in Photoshop}

Halloween is coming!

What with there being just a few days left until Halloween, I figure I'd better get on the ball with some posts concerning ye old creepy goodness holiday!!!  This way I can get my two cents in to participate in Vincent's OPG!!!  Drop on over and check his stuff out!

First off, though I missed my chance to be a part of it due the roller coaster I call my life, this years issue of HALLOWSCREAM will be released on Halloween for your screaming pleasure.  Please check out the scary goodness!  I'm hoping I will be able to participate next year.  Time will tell.  Be sure to check it out after Halloween!

The Totem

There is a drumming deep within me.

Firelight crackling and forest spirits twittering,
it calls out from the time before time.
It breathes a rhythm, a heartbeat,
an urging towards release,
and it will be born.
and it will be born.
and it will be born.
Like lightning,
it strikes backwards towards its desire.

recommended listening:
Sephiroth
Call of the Serpent
Draconian Poetry

{Digital images manipulated in Photoshop}

Reading from the Book of Night

In the twilight of the underworld,
The sun within waxes and wanes.
Days stacked like logs in the wood pile
kindle and burn on the mount of knowing.
Harlequin wall totem reads from the great book. 

The mother day sprays light to inoculate the reading
and fertilize the thoughts for growth.
Father predator spits darkness into her.
A deception that by her nature she converts into light.
His light within reads the necessity and
sees the voice and light needed for the reading.
Between them all, a darkness gestates
the darkness of absence, of emptiness,
of the void.
A darkness through which all things pass
to reach the light of the coming day.

In the desert of ignorance,
the scarab rolls its children into a sphere of darkness
tucking them safely into that fecund enclosure
knowing that at their birth,
they will eat their way to the light.

Recommended LIstening:
Subheim
Hollow
Approach

{Digital images manipulated in Photoshop}

Choosing Adult

As I move further into the depths of my personal shadow, it has become apparent that I require greater freedom of expression to explore the themes and subject matter that will allow me to convey my thoughts and feelings.  For this reason I have now designated my blog as an adult blog.

When I began pushing my blogs further, I knew that at some point I might reach this edge.  My goal isn't  to intentionally pursue adult themes for all my pieces. However, if I require the elements of adult themes, I want the freedom to be there.  I've skated that edge with many of my pieces, but now I have chosen to cross over to the other side.

I will be dealing with themes of violence, sex, aggression, hate, personal darkness, and all the other bits we cut away from ourselves and call "not me".  My goal is exploration and integration and sometimes on such journeys, there are images, thoughts, and feelings that challenge and confound.

If I offend anyone to the point that they no longer read my blog, I am sorry for the loss of communication, but not the offense.  Sometimes we need to be shaken to embrace new thoughts and ideas and growth.  I figure those who are interested or intrigued will come and sit by the fire with me and tell me a good scary story that I haven't heard before. Together in that shared firelight we can unburden our darknesses and make them a bit more bearable.

{Digital images manipulated in Photoshop}

The Fear

And finally after 3 months of back breaking Rage, from stage left comes the source of all my drama.  Raw skinned and trembling, paralyzed and wide-eyed, My fear takes focus.

I find that I can't be angry now.  There is no resentment and my rage fades like a retreating storm.  I feel sadness for this impoverished part of myself, this portion of me with skin so thin that even the movement of air is like knives.

When I was finished with this piece I found no righteous vindication but instead a strange compassion.  I had thought the resolution of the quest to find the source of my Anger would find a villain to be defeated, but instead I find a victim.  Already defeated, and in that defeat a circling whirlwind of misplaced energy.  A leprous pariah to be given succor, relief, and healing.

{Digital images manipulated in Photoshop}

It Lives in Flames

This makes me think of the giant pig at the end of Clive Barker's Pig Blood Blues.  Or perhaps the pig version of the Red Bull from The Last Unicorn.  There is a bit more than pig in there though - maybe some horse.  Perhaps we're just seeing pig from multiple points in time.  Schrodinger's Pig?  Regardless, I don't want to be trapped in any kind of enclosed space with it.  eep.  I'm afraid there would be some hard feelings for all that bacon I ate.

I apologize for all the comedy with such a fierce image, it's just that the clouds have parted here and I'm seeing the first sunlight I have in days and it is making me a little giddy.  :-P  I usually hate super sunny days, but we have had nothing but cloud cover for over a week.  :-(  So - Hooray Sunlight!

{Digital images manipulated in Photoshop}

General Marrow, Lord of Bones

Within the dream of the abattoir,
beneath hair and toenail and skin,
he digs beneath our fat and past the organs.
His business is with the bone core.

He is the lightning knight of epiphany,
the unyielding harbinger of revelation,
the barrier breaker of the adamant secret,
and the herald of truth too long denied.

Ph'nglui mglw'nafh Cthulhu R'lyeh wgah'nagl fhtagn

You know...as big as he is, sometimes Cthulhu just sneaks up on you. I really had no intention of doing a Cthulhu piece, but there he was, and when Cthulhu shows up, you can't really say, "Well, I don't have time right now."  LOL.  You have to at least see what it is he wants.  I mean hey, It's friggin Cthulhu!

I am a little disappointed in the color.  It seems to have a dropped a bit in intensity from Photoshop to here.  I may need to adjust my monitor.  It was very late at night when I created this piece and my eyes were getting to that liquid rolling down my face point.  I may have to revisit this one in the daylight hours with a good nights rest under my belt.  I'm not sure that is allowed with this kind of piece.  :-P

{Digital images manipulated in Photoshop}

Return of the Lord of the Forest

My Ducks

Well, I fought against it, denied it, and avoided it, but none of these has worked.  I will be spending this month moving to a new residence in a new town.

My financial situation has bottomed out and I am no longer able to keep the place I am in now.  This may disrupt my posting here for a bit, but hopefully I will be back on track within a month or so.  We'll see.

I'm kind of making it up as I go along, which is my least favorite place to be.  I'm a Capricorn.  I like all my ducks in a sequential row, color coded, numbered, with cards giving me a personal history of each duck.  My ducks have all  turned into cats with wings and are chasing the pretty butterflies.  Flap, Flap, Flap!  Sigh.

The Kingdom of the Blind

Darkness within and Darkness without. 

From the Darkness they come. 

They are of the darkness

and the holy land of Darkness.